Who Would Win - Cassowary v Giant Otter
Tale of the Tape
Cassowary (Away) Height: 6'0" Weight: 125lbs Top Speed: 31mph Vertical Leap: 59" Weapons: 5" Dagger-like claws on each foot. 7" battering ram attached to head.
The cassowary, also lovingly referred to as a "murder dinosaur," hails from the forests of New Guinea and northeastern Australia and is the BIGGEST BIRD IN THE WORLD if you refuse to count ostriches and emus because they don't fit the narrative I'm trying to push. Though they subsist mainly on a diet of fruit, this is mainly because they have yet to taste the sweet, delicious flesh of human. Troops stationed in New Guinea during WWII were warned to avoid the cassowaries because they are "more dangerous than the Nazis and the kamikazes combined." Patton said that. Don't look it up. Just take my word for it.
Giant Otter (Home)
Height: 6'5"
Weight: 110lbs
Top Speed (Swimming): 10mph
Vertical Leap: Irrelevant
Weapons: Sharp teeth and powerful jaws.
The "wolf sized" prehistoric giant otter thrived over 6 million years ago in the marshes of southern China. Scientists reason that the otter's massive size is due to the fact that it was not smart enough to use tools and had to resort to increasing it jaw strength by becoming larger so that it could feed on mollusks...and dinosaurs.
ML Odds
Cassowary -140
Giant Otter +120
Location
Unfortunately for the cassowary, the giant otter has home court advantage and the battle will take place in the marshy Everglades. To even the playing field a little, the cassowary will begin the battle on a fan boat.
The Fight
Sitting atop a fan boat, drifting listlessly through the Everglades, the mighty cassowary wonders to itself how it got into this situation. "I'm getting too old for this," he thought. "I'm only two weeks from retirement." The cassowary begins to relax and imagine the care-free life that awaited it at Del Boca Vista condominiums in only a few short weeks time.
Suddenly, out of the water sprang a gigantic prehistoric otter, thirsting for blood. The otter lunged for the cassowary's chest, but quick reflexes and an elite vertical leap allowed the cassowary to dodge the blow and counter with a stab from his deadly talons. Before he was able to finish off his prey, however, the otter slipped back into the murky depths, unharmed.
Now aware of the danger surrounding it, the cassowary unleashed a mighty battle cry. I'm assuming it sounds like a bird chirp, but of deeper tone and filled with rage. Or maybe something like a chicken clucking in baritone. You can decide. The fan boat began shaking from below. It seems like the otter was trying to capsize the boat. Unfortunately for the otter and its tiny brain, the fan boat and otter combine to weigh over 1,000 pounds, rendering his attack futile.
The cassowary began tracking the murky water, looking for signs of the otter. Noticing a disturbance in the marsh, the cassowary backed away to the edge of the fan boat and lowered his head, charging forward the moment the otter sprang from the water. His gigantic battering ram of a head connected cleanly with the otter and sent it sprawling to the floor of the fan boat. This is the point in the fight where the referee would blow a whistle and have the otter checked for CTE, but THIS IS A FIGHT TO THE DEATH AND THERE ARE NO RULES! The cassowary casually sauntered over to the unconscious otter and stabbed it 100 times with its murder talons and then ate it. The end.