An Ode to Mozzie Sticks
Hi, my name is Cave and I have a problem. I'm a mozzarella stick addict. I've been clean for about 3 minutes now. Just enough time to wash the grease and marinara off my fat, grubby fingers. My addiction began at a young age. I was in 2nd grade and walking to the cafeteria to have some square pizza and a box of milk when someone I thought was my friend stuck his head around the corner.
"Hey kid. Check this out."
He shook a brown paper bag in front of my face. I could smell the heat emanating from the sack. Is this what my parents had warned me about?
"Want a mozzie?"
So that's what they call them. I'd never been one for peer pressure, so I buckled right away and grabbed one. That first crunch, oh it was magical.
"What do you think you're doing, kid? You didn't even dip it!"
You mean there's more? I flipped the mozzie over and gave it a generous dipping into the marinara. I may be a mozzie addict, but 2nd grade me was raised to never double dip. Big no-no. The marinara complemented the cheese in a way that I have never been able to replicate with any other food group. I turned quickly, so my now-dealer would not witness me in the throes of my first orgasm. Food has never been the same since that day and I've been chasing the mozzie high for almost 25 years now.
I've had all kinds of mozzies. Big mozzies, small mozzies, girthy mozzies, artisanal (art is anal, heh) mozzies, gas station mozzies. ALL KINDS. I always end up right back where it all began. Sonic. The undisputed king of the mozzarella stick. I had a brief fling in college with the Arby's 5 for $5.95 where I would receive 5 orders of mozzies a day, plus a small water, but my wandering eyes always returned to my first love. Graciously, Sonic has always taken me back no matter how many times I've seen other mozzarella sticks behind her back. She's too good for me.
I love my mozzies so much that one scotch fueled night I decided that I would create a blog where I would rate every mozzie from every Sonic in America.
I made it all the way to Clarksville, AR before I fell asleep on the couch.